Over You
by Kaslyna
Summary: It's been fourteen years since Claire Kincaid had died. Jack's regrets and hopes for the future.


_Now that it's all said and done,  
I can't believe you were the one  
To build me up and tear me down,  
Like an old abandoned house.  
What you said when you left  
Just left me cold and out of breath.  
I fell too far, was in way too deep.  
Guess I let you get the best of me._

The last fourteen years had been brutal for Jack McCoy. At first, he was angry; then he became sad, hollow, and numb. Fourteen years ago, he had held Claire Kincaid in his arms, watching her peaceful face as she slept, thinking himself the luckiest man alive, and believing he had forever with her. How naïve he had been then! If he had known it would be the last time that he held her, he would have made the best of it, and he would have repeated, "I love you" over and over. She had cried that night; he remembered she was pretty broken up about the execution the next morning. Sure, she knew Mickey Scott was guilty, but she did not believe in the death penalty. _If only he had known_.

_  
Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure._

If he had one wish, it would be to never have called her, to have just taken a cab in the first place and met her at home. That's the thing about life, though. You have plans, and they seem perfectly sound, but God has other plans. Jack McCoy had not believed in karma until her death, until he held her limp, lifeless, cold, pale hand as she lay on the slab at the morgue. Maybe if he had not taken over the Mickey Scott case in the first place, she might still be alive. Maybe if he had not been so argumentative with her, she would have lived. Maybe, God decided that Jack McCoy deserved a good kick in the ass, and that he needed to see what he had and not complain so much. The maybes had gotten tiring, though, after the past fourteen years.

_  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.  
_

He had gone on dates at first; his assistants set him up, and eventually they took the hint and backed off. He still had not had a very serious relationship since Claire. Jack had taken Jamie, the woman who had helped him rebuild his life, out on a few dates, but only three or four in the past two years or so, since he had become the District Attorney. Jamie knew he still loved Claire, and did not complain that all they did was eat, see a movie, take a walk, or go to a museum. She had seen him in his angry phase and knew better than to pressure him.

_  
You took a hammer to these walls,  
Dragged the memories down the hall,  
Packed your bags and walked away.  
There was nothing I could say.  
And when you slammed the front door shut,  
A lot of others opened up,  
So did my eyes so I could see  
That you never were the best for me.  
_

Jack McCoy gradually accepted that Claire was dead, and that was the beginning of healing for him. Sure, he still mourned her and visited her grave each Sunday, and he still loved her, but he had moved on. He knew Claire would not want him to grieve for so long, but he did. Jack McCoy didn't know exactly when he began healing, but he assumed it was somewhere around eight years after her death that he finally realized that he should not hope any longer. Even still, Jack McCoy still took July 18 off every year, spending it at her grave with two bottles of beer and some flowers, talking with her. He supposed it was the one thing that really kept him sane. Sometimes her mother and stepfather would be there, and though her mother never liked Jack McCoy and her stepfather just accepted him because he made Claire happy, the two comforted him. They had both been hit harder than he had, after all, losing their only child.

_  
Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you._

He sits on her grave on July 18. The air is muggy, the sky grey, and a storm is brooding. Jack takes one of the beer bottles and pours it into the ground, watching it seep in. He takes the other beer and drinks.

"Hey, Claire," he sighs, "It's been fourteen years. I know you would want me to move on, Claire, but you were my first love, corny as it sounds, and I just want you to know I will always love you, no matter what happens. I've been seeing a woman, Jamie Ross, for about the past two years or so now. She was my assistant after you; we were best friends and she helped me heal, even after she quit, and I guess it somewhat just happened, you know? We have not slept together yet, Claire. I think she wants to, but she saw me right after your death and she understands she should not push me. Do I love her? Perhaps in time, but right now I'm merely grateful to her."

_  
Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know._

Jamie comes and sits beside Jack, taking his hand quietly as they sit on her grave. His head is slumped over onto his chest, and Jamie's heart breaks. She loves him, and she does not know quite when or where it started. Right now, though, she just wants to be there for him, and as much as she would love to be his girlfriend, Jamie knows he is still not quite over Claire yet. Jamie runs her thumb over his, and he looks up and smiles wearily at her.

"Hey," he says.

"Hello," she says back.

He cries, and she lets him, scary as it is, and he wails, "Why! Why, God, why her? Why Claire? She was so good, God! So young!"

Jamie lends him her shoulder to cry on. The platonic contact sends shivers down her spine and leaves her wanting more, but for right now, she knows this is all she can give to him.

_  
Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
Well I'm putting my heart back together,  
'Cause I got over you.  
Well I got over you.  
I got over you.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.  
_


End file.
